My Song of Struggle

Holding Onto You by Twenty One Pilots is one of my absolute favorite songs. The depth of the lyrics gets me every time and I connect with almost all of it. Another part of their songs that always draws me in is the Christian allegories and little tidbits I can make spiritual connections to.

The song starts:

I’m taking over my body,
Back in control, no more shotty,
I bet a lot of me was lost,
Ts uncrossed and Is undotted,
I fought it a lot
And it seems a lot like flesh is all I got,
Not anymore, flesh out the door,

This verse really speaks to me because I believe he is talking about God coming in and allowing us to no longer rely on our faulty flesh. He took over his body, no more shotty, his flesh was leaving him weak and wishy washy. Then he creates the analogy that his flesh was leaving him tried and weak similar to a writer who leaves their T’s uncrossed and their I’s undotted. He has fought his flesh a lot, and it seemed like it was all he had to rely on. He now realizes that flesh isn’t the only thing, God can help him. He’s throwing flesh out the door, swat.

This verse connects with me because I am a very logical, mature, and scientific teenager I naturally have trouble believing in illogical beings. I do believe but I struggle in my faith constantly. That struggle leads to relying on my flesh, and I tend to be mildly successful relying on my flesh and that deepens the gap in my mind between me and God. I think this song connects because the past year and a half have been rough relying on my flesh. I’m now going threw a phase of renewing my mind, body, spirit, and life in general. Sadly that included breaking up with someone I cared for very much but I believe we both handled it as adults and we can move away from this relationship with happy memories.


I must’ve forgot, you can’t trust me,
I’m open a moment and close when you show it,
Before you know it, I’m lost at sea,
And now that I write and think about it,
And the story unfolds,
You should take my life,
You should take my soul.

He didn’t mention, God shouldn’t trust him. He’ll be open and then when someone shows it he closes. After that it’s out to sea. As he writes about it and the story unfolds God needs to take his life, and take his soul.

I like this because it describes me immediately. I can’t be trusted by many people, my own faith in God is always shaky at the moment and I close when people tell me I’m being very open. I get lost at sea a lot. Enough said there. I write about it, like now, and then I think and I always try to give myself completely to God. I make it a few weeks, lately I’ve been making it multiple months. God definitely needs to take my life and take my soul.


You are surrounding all my surroundings,
Sounding down the mountain range of my left-side brain,
You are surrounding all my surroundings,
Twisting the kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes.

At least, the chorus. God is surrounding, all surroundings, sounding down the mountain range, making noise in his left side brain. God is surrounding all his surroundings, twisting a kaleidoscope behind both of his eyes.

This chorus is so simple yet so profound and it always gets me. The way he sings it plays a part in it too. God surrounds everything, he definitely racks the left-side of my brain. He twists a kaleidoscope behind my eyes every moment. It keeps my mind focusing on him since I can’t focus on anything else.


Remember the moment
You know exactly where you’re going,
‘Cause the next moment,
Before you know it, time is slowing
And it’s frozen still,
And the window sill looks really nice, right?
You think twice about your life,
It probably happens at night,

Remember the moment you chose to give your life. You know exactly where your going right?
Well, the next moment you know time is frozen still and the window sill looks really nice to jump out of to commit suicide. You think twice about living, it usually happens at night am I right?

I have never really been suicidal but I relate this to a different level. What if I just stopped being super studious and enlisted in the marines? What would happen if I went out and had sex with some girl I thought was cute? What would be done if I decided to try alcohol once? A lot of questions I have hard times answering, others are pretty easy to be like, “Kyle your stupid shut up and study social studies until you go to sleep.”


Fight it,
Take the pain, ignite it,
Tie a noose around your mind
Loose enough to breathe fine and tie it
To a tree. Tell it, “You belong to me.
This ain’t a noose, this is a leash.
And I have news for you: you must obey me.”

Fight the idea. Take your pain and light a fire, tie a noose around your mind loose enough to breathe, fine? tie it to a tree and tell the tree “you belong to me this ain’t a noose this is a leash and I have news for you you must obey me.”

Don’t waste your life(yes I know, a Lecrae song reference), Use the pain and work harder. In your mind tell everything, everyone, and the Devil that they don’t have a noose on you, they will not have that kind of bearing on your life, and then cast them off and you control how they influence your life. You control you.


(chorus again but same as first)

Entertain my faith. [10x]

Entertain my faith.

Simple, if you entertain my faith its like a girl who entertains a guys fancy except its a spiritual happening.


Lean with it, rock with it,
When we gonna stop with it,
Lyrics that mean nothing,
We were gifted with thought,
Is it time to move our feet
To an introspective beat,
It ain’t the speakers that bump hearts,
It’s our hearts that make the beat.

Lean with the flow, rock with the flow. When are we gonna stop being in the flow of the world. Lyrics in modern music mean nothing more than what they say, yet we were gifted with intelligent thought. It might be time to be introspective about all this, loud music doesn’t bump our hearts, our hearts write the rhythm and the beat.

Throughout the song is littered with the series And I’ll be holding onto you! and I believe that this saying no matter the storm, the moment, or the joy, I’ll be holding onto God through it all. He is my lifeline no matter what the world tries to make you think.


I hope everybody can get something out of this:) Another piece of my heart so enjoy it! God bless you all and check back later for more songs by Twenty One Pilots.

Food For Thought: The constitution never guaranteed people the right to privacy, so why do people think it’s appropriate to protest the NSA computer scanners on our text messages and emails etc? Strict Construction-ism can work for against its supporting side.


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