I learned yesterday morning that no matter how you approach a situation, no matter how softly you give information to someone, no matter how much you train your mind to accept the consequences or results of your actions you’ll never be expecting it to happen the way it did. I had to break up with my girlfriend yesterday for some personal reasons I have disclosed to very few people. I tried to do it face to face but alas it was a failed attempt and I am ashamed to say I had to break up over a text message. Today I received my two hoodies she had and got grilled by one of her friends.
I accept all of this.
I broke her heart, She wasn’t expecting me to do this I don’t believe, I would put money down she cried at some point and probably will multiple other times. I just pray to my Lord Jesus that she can understand why I did it and that I still loved her. She was my girlfriend until the moment she wasn’t and I know she understands that my intent was never to heart her.
I myself reflect at this time that I might’ve been able to try some other way, but I believe that all would have been in vain and lead to a point of breaking immensely harder for both of us than it was yesterday morning. I believe that she thinks that I am heartlessly abandoning her but I strained with conflicting feelings, struggling between my unconditional love I had felt for her for so long, and what I need to do to make sure that my future is everything God has planned. I do hope that I can manage to keep whatever parts of my soul I have been losing lately. I need them right now.
My friends are no help. They treat relationships like flimsy plastic water bottles and I believe they are a carpenters grail of old. Similar to the Indiana Jones movie. They walk in out of relational doorways like they are exploring Narnia and I treat each doorway as if it is the only one until such time as I need to leave it. I don’t know who to turn to my age as I have only a couple good friends at school, and my home school friends aren’t that much help in daily life.
People who are reading this, pray for me, pray for her. I need some prayer as I’m also in possible sickness of something very similar to strep throat.
On a happier note I am writing a novella length story for a shared world created on the Mythic Scribes Forums. I will let you know if I ever decide to publish it! Have a blessed Christmas! I’ll be returning to a more normal posting schedule soon after New Years!